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A lot of people say the NBA All-Star Game stinks. The game is meaningless, the players don’t give any effort, the crowd rarely makes noise, and the game hardly resembles the beautiful game of basketball that we all love so much. I agree with all of these criticisms. However, in the words of John Legend, I love all of the All-Star Game’s curves and edges and all of its perfect imperfections. I make a point to watch the game every year, but apparently friends and family are too good to watch this farce of a basketball game and discuss it with me. This year, thanks to our glorious leader and 1-0 Sports founder Thomas Fitch, I have an outlet for these dumb thoughts for an even dumber game. So here we go:
D-Wade’s Last Dance
Dwyane Wade has not played like an All-Star this year. Not even close really. But he’s retiring this year and I guess people want him to play another All-Star Game..? Anyway, thanks to Adam Silver making up a rule, D-Wade was able to play. He even got a jersey and everything. Leading up to the game Wade said his main goal was to connect with Lebron on one last alley-oop in honor their Miami Heat days. It was always going to be a tall task to recreate their legendary plays of days past. Let’s see what the Heatles reunion gave us:
Close enough.
Dirk Nowitzki: Also Last Dancing
Like Dwyane Wade, Dirk Nowitzki was also just kinda thrown in the ASG because he’s crazy old and people like him. Adam Silver made this decision because he figured the fans wanted to see Dirk try and run up and down the court a few more times for old time’s sake. And oh buddy did Dirk deliver. 4 minutes played. 3-3 from the field. Only shot threes. 1 turnover. Literally no other stats. Legend.
Where in the World is Carmelo Anthony?
As D-Wade and Dirk were honored and celebrated in the last year of their respective careers, there was one washed-up old man that was notably excluded. Former Nugget/Knick/Thunder/Hawk/Rocket/Bull superstar and current stay-at-home dad Carmelo Anthony. There is no clear reason why Adam Silver didn’t make the same exception for Melo as he did for the other two legends. Perhaps it’s because Melo does not have the same playoff success. Perhaps it’s because Melo wears hats that put him directly in the middle of a struggling magician and Red Dead Redemption Venn Diagram. Or it could be because 3 (three) NBA teams are paying him this season and 0 (zero) NBA teams actually want him on the court…. Nah it’s probably the hats.
Dame’s Lakers tryout
People made a big deal about Team Lebron only having guys that are either upcoming free agents, want to be traded or are James Harden. I guess people just found out recruiting is a thing players do. Note: teams tamper (against NBA rules) and players recruit (unenforceable, therefore legal). Naturally, the question was: which star would catch Lebron’s eye. Think of it like a group date from The Bachelor. And on tonight’s episode, Damian Lillard really got Lebron’s attention. Lillard was pivotal in his team’s victory shooting 6-17 (all 3s) including two absurdly long 3s to complete his team’s miraculous 3rd quarter comeback. And since I know Lebron is a real big stats guy here’s one I know he’ll like: Damian Lillard had the best plus-minus in the game at +20. Lonzo and a 1st for Dame, let’s do this Magic.
The Giannis Dunk
At some point in the first half (doesn’t matter when time is a human invention) Steph Curry and Giannis are running a 2 on 1 fastbreak and instead of the standard lob Steph bounces the ball as hard as a human can bounce a basketball and Giannis goes up and catches the ball while it was still in the rafters and finishes the alley-oop. Wild stuff. You had to be there. If you still haven’t seen it go Google it.
KD Slithers to ASG MVP
Kevin Durant somehow won MVP of this All-Star Game. Apparently, he had 31 points. I cannot recall a single bucket he had all game. Lillard, Lebron, Klay, Kawhi, and Kyrie all felt like they played a much bigger role in Team Lebron’s success yet KD gets the MVP. I’m circling a joke about this being a metaphor for him on the Warriors but I can’t quite get there. Whatever. I hope he goes to the Knicks in July.
Claws and Animal Kingdom
If you’ve ever watched an NBA game on TNT you have wasted about 45 billion hours of your life watching commercials for the network’s original programming. What used to be Rizzoli & Isles and Franklin & Bash is now Claws and Animal Kingdom. I’ve seen more commercials for Claws and Animal Kingdom in the last two years than restaurants going out of business on Guad. Watching the commercials it’s unclear what these two shows are even about. Is it a show about crime? Nail salons? Incest? Who knows. And to make matters worse there is not a human walking the planet that has actually watched these shows to explain the plot to us.
Special shout-out though to Tracy Morgan’s The Last O.G. on TBS for having commercials that help me understand the show even though there is a 0 percent chance I ever watch it. I have nothing but respect for Mr. Morgan and the “Come get your salad tossed” line in the commercial made me laugh every time I heard it Sunday.
Team LeBron Won 178-164
Oh yeah, I guess who won is also important (I know it isn’t). So LeBron’s team won to improve his record to 2-0 in the All-Star Game when he gets to pick his teammates. Jordan could never put together teams this good. Wow, real legacy building stuff here from LeBron. Listen to the Thomas Fitch Show for more MJ-LeBron talk.