It’s officially March Madness week. And I full well know how this goes. You read every article that you can telling you sleepers, pretenders, favorites, and whatever else you need to know for a perfect bracket the eventually gets busted halfway through the round of 64. This is me every time. But a couple years ago while searching for the best advice to beat my little sister who picks teams based off colors, I stumbled across an article that changed my life. It was an article theorizing a “mascot bracket.” In it you choose your teams not based off of how they perform on the hardwood, but what the outcome would be if the mascots faced off head to head in a battle to the death. I made my own that year and had such a blast that I’ve made one every year since then. I hope you enjoy my breakdown of it and encourage all of y’all to do one of your own and compete against mine. I’ll make a group on ESPN tournament challenge where you can submit yours and if it beats mine, I’ll bring you on the Thomas Fitch Show to break down why you choose who you did. Click here to join.
Alright, let’s not waste any more time and just get into it.
First Round:
East Region-
1.) Duke Blue Devils vs. 16.) NC Central Eagles/ND State Bison
So for the play-in games, we’ll just make it an all out, three-way brawl for the glory. Now as much as I’d love to see the bison go through to the next round, I’m not messing around with a devil. It looks like a younger, evil Coach K.
Winner: Duke Blue Devils
8.) VCU Rams vs. 9.) UCF Golden Knights
The battle of the three-lettered acronyms. UCF of recent has been known as a football school made famous for claiming national championships they didn’t even play in. Well even if they do lose to VCU in basketball, they can claim this victory too because a ram stands no chance against a golden knight (or any colored knight for that matter).
Winner: UCF Golden Knights
5.) Mississippi St. Bulldogs vs. 12.) Liberty Flames
This is a weird one since Liberty is called the flames, but the “mascot” is an eagle. Whether they’re fighting a fire or an eagle, a bulldog doesn’t stand a chance.
Winner: Liberty Flames
4.) Virginia Tech Hokies vs. 13.) Saint Louis Billikens
If there was a bracket for worst mascot names in the tournament, these two teams would meet in the championship. And their actual mascots aren’t much better. A “Hokie” is a specifically maroon and orange turkey. There is nothing, and I mean nothing good about that description. Ugly name, ugly mascot, ugly everything. But a Billiken may be worse. According to Wikipedia (suck it high school teachers I use it more than any of the ‘scholarly’ sites you forced me to use), a Billiken is “a charm doll” created in the late 1800s by an art teacher and illustrator named Florence Pretz who claimed to have seen it in a dream. It is basically a fat monkey-baby thing that is permanently ‘duffnering’.
None of these teams deserve to advance, but I don’t want to look at or think about a Billiken ever again.
Winner: Virginia Tech Hokies
6.) Maryland Terrapins vs. 11.) Belmont Bruins/Temple Owls
Another three-way brawl for the glory of the round of 32. As tempted as I am to say the fighting turtles and owls team up to defeat the bear, an owl would be far too wise to team up with an animal whose existence is sunbathing.
Winner: Belmont Bruins
3.) LSU Tigers vs. 14.) Yale Bulldogs
It’s the intellectuals versus, well LSU. But unfortunately, the “intellectuals” weren’t smart enough to pick a better mascot for battle. Side note/warning for those reading this now, mascot brackets are not kind on dogs, especially bulldogs, as you’re probably figuring out at this point. The Tigers slaughter the ‘Dogs.
Winner: LSU Tigers
7.) Louisville Cardinals vs. 10.) Minnesota Golden Gophers
Just two years earlier and this would’ve been a [very greasy, oily] battle of the Pitinos. Instead, it’s a battle of very non-ferocious animals (unlike the Pitinos). The Cardinals play whack-a-mole gopher and lose. Also, they’re the golden gophers technically, right, so that adds something?
Winner: Minnesota Golden Gophers
2.) Michigan State Spartans vs. 15.) Bradley Braves
Like way too many schools, Bradley has multiple mascots. They are originally the Braves, and still keep that nickname, but have changed their mascot to “Kaboom!” the gargoyle. He’s basically a winged stone with a face.
There’s way too much going on with Bradley. I’m going to make this simple on myself and everyone else. This is Sparta!
Winner: Michigan State Spartans
South Region-
South Region-
1.) Virginia Cavaliers vs. 16.) Gardner Webb Runnin’ Bulldogs
I don’t care if the bulldog is runnin’, sittin’, or poopin’, we know what happens to dogs in this tournament.
Winner: Virginia Cavaliers
8.) Ole Miss Rebels/Land Sharks/anything that distracts from their racist mascot in the past vs. 9.) Oklahoma Sooners
I don’t really know what a Sooner is, or what Ole Miss’s mascot is these days, but I do know that the Sooners have something to do with a chuck wagon and I could have fun with a land shark in the future. I also know enough about the Wild West to know that if you are ever in a horse-drawn wagon, you don’t want to come across a land shark. Most importantly, I know that it's (insert your current time here), and OU Still Sucks!
Winner: Ole Miss LAND SHARKS (not Rebels)
5.) Wisconsin Badgers vs. 12.) Oregon Ducks
I think Oregon belongs in the real NCAA tournament about as much as a duck belongs in a mascot fight to the death.
Winner: Wisconsin Badgers
4.) Kansas State Wildcats vs. 13.) UC Irvine Anteaters
I had to look up UC Irvine’s mascot and literally laughed out loud when I saw what popped up. As much as I want an anteater to make a Cinderella run, they aren’t getting past a wildcat, regardless of whether it’s a real animal or not.
Winner: Kansas State Wildcats
6.) Villanova Wildcats vs. 11.) Saint Mary’s Gaels
6.) Villanova Wildcats vs. 11.) Saint Mary’s Gaels
What are the odds that we get wildcats in back to back matchups? In college basketball, pretty high. Slight tangent, but as dumb as a mascot like a “Hokie” or “Billiken” is, at least they are creative. A wildcat is a.) a made up animal and b.) the mascot of every other college in this country. A Gael by the way, for those of you wondering, is a warrior of Irish or Scottish descent. Now it is more in reference to Irish warriors, but all I imagine when I think of them is William Wallace.
Credit: Giphy
Winner: Saint Mary’s Gaels
3.) Purdue Boilermakers vs. 14.) Old Dominion Monarchs
3.) Purdue Boilermakers vs. 14.) Old Dominion Monarchs
Another fascinating matchup. In one corner is the most descriptive mascot name: literally people who make boilers for trains. In the other corner is one of the least descriptive mascot names: the “monarch” nickname has to do with joint parliamentary leaders of colonial Virginia (yawn), but their mascot is a lion who is ”king of the monarchs.” Still, I figure a bunch of men who wield sledgehammers and make trains can take a lion.
Winner: Purdue Boilermakers
7.) Cincinnati Bearcats vs. 10.) Iowa Hawkeyes
So we’ve moved to one of my all-time favorite NCAA mascots. It’s like when Cincinnati was trying to decide a mascot they were like, “what about wildcats?” And then someone said, “but every other average college team is the wildcats and also no one knows exactly what it is.” And then someone piped up from the back, “what if, and hear me out, we mixed a bear with a wildcat and pretended it was normal,” and it somehow stuck. Anyways a Hawkeye is literally just a bird appendage, so it doesn’t matter what hybrid cliche mascot species you put it against, all it can do is see you tearing it to shreds.
Winner: Cincinnati Bearcats
2.) Tennessee Volunteers vs. 15.) Colgate Raiders
I was really hoping that Colgate’s mascot was something toothpaste related, like the Colgate Optic White. But it’s just the Raiders. Although with its long red hair, it's pretty scary looking.
As much as I hate Tennessee as a school, the volunteers are one of the best mascots out there. We have them to thank for big steaks, Buc-ee’s, Dr. Pepper, and Dallas Cowboys jokes. Oh, and they had Davy Crockett.
Winner: Tennessee Volunteers
Midwest Region-
1.) UNC Tar Heels vs. 16.) Iona Gaels
Ok, so I’m going to make a stretch on this one because we already have another Gaelic mascot in the tournament and I want to preserve as many one seeds as I can. So as we referenced earlier, Gaels=a fighting tribe from somewhere in the British Isles in the 1000s=William Wallace=Scottish. Scottish tend sheep. To my best understanding, a Tar Heel is the foot of a sheep/ram (I looked it up, it’s not, but just roll with it for this one). So in this one circumstance that I played out in my brain (I’d recommend you try playing it in your brain too, it’s pretty funny) the sheep-rams revolt against their “Gaelic” masters and take them hostage.
Winner: UNC Tar Heels (somehow)
8.) Utah State Aggies vs. 9.) Washington Huskies
So this may be a first for mascot brackets. But since I don’t know what an Aggie is, and I don’t think Utah State* or any school with an Aggie “mascot” knows what it is, dogs are making history and advancing to the second round of the tournament.
Winner: Washington Huskies
*I have since looked up Utah State and saw that their other mascot is a bull. But I like my original logic better.
5.) Auburn Tigers vs. 12.) New Mexico State Aggies
5.) Auburn Tigers vs. 12.) New Mexico State Aggies
What are the odds we not only get the wildcats next to each other but now the Aggies. Now this one is a little different because NM State has a secondary mascot, a cowboy*. But fortunately for the Tigers, they have a secondary mascot too. The “War Eagle” pecks out the Cowboys eyes while the Tiger handles the imaginary Aggie.
Winner: Auburn Tigers
4.) Kansas Jayhawks vs. 13.) Northeastern Huskies
Ok, this is getting weird. In the last three matchups, we’ve either had a husky or an Aggie. The committee definitely planned this. Now before you go ahead and pencil in a second dog advancing, Jayhawks are more than just a bird. Also, I’m not sure-no I am sure-a Jayhawk definitely isn’t a real bird. But the name comes from the term for Civil War guerrilla fighters, which is pretty dang cool.
Winner: Kansas Jayhawks
6.) Iowa State Cyclones vs. 11.) Ohio State Buckeyes
6.) Iowa State Cyclones vs. 11.) Ohio State Buckeyes
Iowa State has two mascots, but they’ll only need one to take down a mascot that is literally just a nut. In fact, I think the cyclone will let the cardinal mascot take care of this matchup by itself.
Winner: Iowa State Cardinals (also Cyclones)
3.) Houston Cougars vs. 14.) Georgia State Panthers
This is about as similar of a matchup as you can get between mascots without them being the same. But after a quick google search, I was able to discover that panther is a blanket word to describe leopards, jaguars, and mountain lions. What that means in my mind is that a panther mascot has the strength of all three of these cats combined.
Winner: Georgia State Panthers
7.) Wofford Terriers vs. 10.) Seton Hall Pirates
7.) Wofford Terriers vs. 10.) Seton Hall Pirates
Wofford is sitting in a prime spot to be a Cinderella team in the real NCAA tournament this year. Unfortunately for this bracket, they have a dog mascot. And they drew one of the tougher mascots in the field.
Winner: Seton Hall Pirates
2.) Kentucky Wildcats vs. 15.) Abilene Christian Wildcats
We all knew it was bound to happen. A battle of the wildcats. I could’ve decided this a number of ways. But I decided upon the eye test.
Credit: Sports Illustrated
Credit: ACU Today
Ironically both have headbands, which would have been a determining factor. But one of these looks like Chuck-e-Cheese let himself go and the other looks like an actual college mascot. I’ll let you decipher which is which.
Winner: Kentucky Wildcats
West Region-
West Region-
1.) Gonzaga Bulldogs vs. 16.) Fairleigh Dickinson Knights/Prairie View A&M Panthers
I’ve tried really hard to get the one seeds to survive at least one round. But I can’t justify a bulldog beating either a knight or a panther in this battle. And while the knight mascot may literally be a chess piece and not a warrior in chainmail, they have a secondary mascot as a devil and we all know by this point I don’t mess with those.Winner: Fairleigh Dickinson Knights
8.) Syracuse Orange vs. 9.) Baylor Bears
This may have been the easiest draw of the tournament this year. For those with their heads under a rock, yes Syracuse's mascot is a literal citrus orange.
8.) Syracuse Orange vs. 9.) Baylor Bears
This may have been the easiest draw of the tournament this year. For those with their heads under a rock, yes Syracuse's mascot is a literal citrus orange.
Credit: For The Win-USA Today
I think even a Buckeye could win this matchup.
Winner: Baylor Bears
5.) Marquette Golden Eagles vs 12.) Murray State Racers
Winner: Baylor Bears
5.) Marquette Golden Eagles vs 12.) Murray State Racers
For those wondering, a racer mascot from a school in Kentucky is exactcly what you’d expect. It’s a race horse. While that is a fairly unique mascot, I’ll take an aerial raid over ground attack any day of the week. And again I don’t know what it adds, but throwing “golden” in the mascot name definitely makes it sound better.
Winner: Marquette Golden Eagles
4.) Florida State Seminoles vs. 13.) Vermont Catamounts
4.) Florida State Seminoles vs. 13.) Vermont Catamounts
This may be one of the best mascot battles of the first round. One of the most powerful Native American tribes against a catamount (which, for those of y’all who hadn’t figured out what that was because it’s a word I’d never heard of before I started doing this, is a mountain lion). But, Seminoles have bows & arrows, a whole tribe, and a flaming spear on their side.
Winner: Florida State Seminoles
6.) Buffalo Bulls vs. 11.) Arizona State Sun Devils/St. Johns Red Storm
I could write a paragraph here about how Buffalo would be more effective if they were the Buffalo Buffaloes or how St. John’s mascots, the “Red Storm” and “Thunderbirds”, are both things that don’t exist or make any sense, but we all know who’s winning this one.
Winner: Arizona State Sun Devils
3.) Texas Tech Red Raiders vs. 14.) Northern Kentucky Norse
3.) Texas Tech Red Raiders vs. 14.) Northern Kentucky Norse
We’ve come upon one of my all-time favorite mascots in the tournament, the Norse, led by Victor E. Viking. And they’re facing off against a perennial favorite the Red Raiders. It’s a shame that a Hokie is still in the tournament and one of these true warriors won’t be. But at the end of the day, it comes down to who has better transport. A Viking ship > A horse.
Winner: Northern Kentucky Norse
7.) Nevada Wolfpack vs. 10.) Florida Gators
7.) Nevada Wolfpack vs. 10.) Florida Gators
A battle of ecosystem alphas. The mountain west vs. the swampy south. Fortunately for Nevada, they chose to be a pack instead of an individual animal. Also, Alligators are a lot lazier and awkward than people realize.
Winner: Nevada Wolfpack
2.) Michigan Wolverines vs. 15.) Montana Grizzlies
I’m so glad that Montana decided to win the Big Sky and make it the big dance. In my many (3) years of doing a mascot bracket, I don’t think I’ve had an animal mascot as cool as a grizzly bear. Keep an eye on them the rest of the tournament.
Winner: Montana Grizzlies
Round of 32:
South Region-
1.) Duke Blue Devils vs. 9.) UCF Golden Knights
Now we’re starting to get into some interesting battles. This one is also a battle of teams who unnecessarily added colors to their mascots. But I’ve got to keep with the theme here, plus I feel like Zion is a deadly mascot himself.
Credit: Duke Basketball Twitter
Winner: Duke Blue Devils
12.) Liberty Flames vs. 4.) Virginia Tech Hokies
So while the Red Raiders and Golden Knights are being eliminated from the tournament, a fire and a maroon and orange turkey are still in it. I’m going to do all of us a huge favor and get rid of that terrible bird. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all.
Winner: Liberty Flames
11.) Belmont Bruins vs. 3.) LSU Tigers
It’s the classic battle of apex predators who are also cliche mascots. But the determining factor here is the fact that a ‘bruin’ according to google is a "brown bear, typically in children’s fables." What a bone-chilling description. You know who that makes a ‘bruin’? Winnie-the-Pooh, Paddington, Brother Bear, Yogi Bear, and the three bears from Goldilocks and the Three Bears to name a few. Look away children because this fight won’t be pretty.
Winner: LSU Tigers
10.) Minnesota Golden Gophers vs. 2.) Michigan State Spartans
The Golden Gophers are another mascot who don’t belong in this tournament anymore. So thank goodness they’re facing off against a mascot bracket favorite. Insert image of a gopher getting “This is Sparta’d” here:
Winner: Michigan State Spartans
South Region-
1.) Virginia Cavaliers vs. 8.) Ole Miss Landsharks (I'll keep it simple this time)
For those who haven’t seen what it looks like I’ll attach an image below, but the Landshark mascot is so bad I thought it was fake when I first saw a picture of it.
I don’t know what they were thinking, but they should’ve stuck with the black bear mascot...or anything else other than a landshark. Without them facing a team I’m biased against (OU SUCKS), their luck runs out in the round of 32. The Cavaliers charge in on horseback, sabres flaring, and decapitate the Landsharks to find Colonel Reb hiding inside of the costume.
Winner: Virginia Cavaliers
5.) Wisconsin Badgers vs. 4.) Kansas State Wildcats
As y’all already know, I fairly biased against the wildcat mascot due to its lack of originality and realness. And speaking of originality and realness, let’s compare these two mascots:
Credit: WSJ.com
Credit: Surviving College
The difference is obvious. One of these is a full mascot, the other is just a head on a person's body.
Winner: Wisconsin Badgers
11.) Saint Mary’s Gaels vs. 3.) Purdue Boilermakers
Here we have a battle of true men. William Wallace and his army of blue faced scottish warriors facing off against a bunch of factory workers. Ok that sounds way more in favor towards the Gaels, but remember this isn’t a chocolate factory, they are making train engines (or something like that). Still only one of these groups of men has the heart of a champion (and was featured in one my favorite movies).
Winner: Saint Mary’s Gaels
7.) Cincinnati Bearcats vs. 2.) Tennessee Volunteers
Davy Crockett was known in the legends as the king of the wild frontier. He killed everything from coons to bears and everything in between. How much more difficult could a bearcat be?
Winner: Tennessee Volunteers
Midwest Region-
1.) UNC Tar Heels vs. 9.) Washington Huskies
I tried hard, maybe too hard to get the Tar Heels through to this round. A sheep (ram)’s biggest predator is a wolf. A husky is basically a wolf in a good boy’s body. The only people to keep the ‘Heels safe from the wolves/huskies is their herders, but remember, they revolted against them last round.
Winner: Washington Huskies
5.) Auburn Tigers vs. 4.) Kansas Jayhawks
6.) Iowa State Cyclones vs. 14.) Georgia State Panthers
An interesting battle between the trinity of midweight predatory cats and a natural disaster with a red bird sidekick. This round the cardinal is going to sit back and relax and let the tornado do the dirty work.
Winner: Iowa State Cyclones
10.) Seton Hall Pirates vs. 2.) Kentucky Wildcats
It’s a shame that so many of the good March Madness teams have to be wildcats, because they never make it far in this bracket. And the pirates are one of the better mascots out there. This fight won’t last long.
Winner: Seton Hall Pirates
West Region-
16.) Fairleigh Dickinson Knights vs. 9.) Baylor Bears
Thankfully Baylor went with a bear as a mascot instead of a bruin, but they’re having to fight against a chess piece knight and a devil. And we got to have one 16-seed go far, right?
Winner: Fairleigh Dickinson Knights
5.) Marquette Golden Eagles vs. 4.) Florida State Seminoles
As cool as the idea of a golden eagle is, they aren’t lasting long against a tribe who ruled for hundreds of years in Florida. Anyone who can survive that long in a state filled with meth addicts, alligators, and Pitbull is tougher than most.
Winner: Florida State Seminoles
11.) Arizona State Sun Devils vs. 14.) Northern Kentucky Norse
This may be the toughest matchup so far. But because I want to have fun (and the Norse are one of my favorites), I’m going to the supernatural for my deterimination on this one. The Norse have Thor, and if they have Thor, they likely have all the Avengers. And you know what that means:
Also, if this battle goes up north, the Sun Devils are going to freeze. I know I said don’t mess with the devils, but they have to lose at some point.
Winner: Northern Kentucky Norse
7.) Nevada Wolfpack vs. 15.) Montana Grizzlies
This battle could go a lot of different ways. But at the end of the day, who is the alpha predator of the Rockies? Also just think how cool it would be if Montana made it to the Sweet 16.
Winner: Montana Grizzlies
Sweet 16:
East Region-
1.) Duke Blue Devils vs. 12.) Liberty Flames
We’re finally to the Sweet 16, so the matchups should be getting good right? Wrong. Again the fact that the Flames made it this far is a travesty. Ironically they’ll lose to the mascot who often associated with fire. I told y’all, don’t mess with the devils.
Winner: Duke Blue Devils
3.) LSU Tigers vs. 2.) Michigan State Spartans
What are the odds we get a one, two, and three seed this far in a mascot bracket? That’s rare for one of these things. Normally the lower seeds are the ones with the cool (i.e. not wildcat) mascots. Anyways, as much as I hate to do it to one of my favorite mascots...
...A tiger stands no chance against an army of Spartans. This Elite Eight matchup ought to be good.
Winner: Michigan State Spartans
South Region-
1.) Virginia Cavaliers vs. 5.) Wisconsin Badgers
As much as I want to throw a ‘honey badger don’t care’ gif in here and move Wisconsin into the next round, a cavalier with a sword on a horse is a little different than fighting with a cobra.
I’ll include the gif anyways, but the only dancing the badgers are doing is out of this tournament.
Winner: Virginia Cavaliers
11.) Saint Mary’s Gaels vs. 2.) Tennessee Volunteers
William Wallace famously said, “we all end up dead. It’s just a matter of when and why.” Well, the when is the Sweet 16 and the why is the Volunteers. Davy Crockett had a famous saying too, “you may all go to hell, and I will go to the Elite Eight.” I think it went a little differently, but you get the gist.
Winner: Tennessee Volunteers
Midwest Region-
9.) Washington Huskies vs. 5.) Auburn Tigers
Well, the Cinderella run for the dog mascots had to come to an end at some point. Embarrassingly enough for them, it comes at the hands of a cat, who by the way are the only animal mascot in the elite eight so far.
Winner: Auburn Tigers
6.) Iowa State Cyclones vs. 10.) Seton Hall Pirates
At first glance, some might give the edge in this battle to the pirates because tornadoes are a land-based natural disaster. But that “some” would be forgetting that water spouts are literally water tornadoes and are just as dangerous. I'm now realizing that must be how sharknado was formed. And you certainly don’t want to face that.
Winner: Iowa State Cyclones
West Region-
16.) Fairleigh Dickinson Knights vs. 4.) Florida State Seminoles
Honestly, I’m kinda tired of teams with two mascots. And devils. Again Duke you ruined this for all of us. Also I’m not exactly sure how chess works, but I think a flaming spear beats a knight. Again I really don’t know how chess works.
Winner: Florida State Seminoles
14.) Northern Kentucky Norse vs. 15.) Montana Grizzlies
I don’t understand why my favorite mascots keep going up against each other. But I’m going to have to say goodbye to one of them. While the Vikings may not have ever seen grizzlies, they fought polar bears all the time (I didn’t look this up, please don’t fact check me). And once you’ve fought polar bears, how much harder is it to fight a grizzly? Ask Leonardo Dicaprio.
Well, maybe don’t. Regardless, an army of Vikings trumps an army of grizzlies...barely.
Winner: Northern Kentucky Norse
Elite Eight:
East Region-
1.) Duke Blue Devils vs. 2.) Michigan State Spartans
Here is where the fun begins. One of my favorite arguments for the Spartans is connecting them to Odysseus. Now it isn’t perfect because I’m pretty sure that Odysseus actually fought the Spartans, but this isn’t an English essay. Plus, they’re all Greek to me (buh-dum-tis). Sorry. That was too far. Anyways in The Odyssey, they travel to the underworld and make it back alive. And the underworld=hell and who runs hell? The devil of course. Then they go onto defeat a cyclops monster giant who is basically just Zion Williamson with one eye. The parallels are everywhere.
Winner: Michigan State Spartans
South Region-
1.) Virginia Cavaliers vs. 2.) Tennessee Volunteers
I promise I didn’t try to have these be chalk. In falk usually the final four is filled with 14, 15, and 16 seeds. But it just worked out this way. Probably because it was a down year for the wildcats. This battle is pretty simple, however. You don’t bring a knife to a sword fight, and you certainly don’t bring a sword to a gunfight. Davy Crockett could probably beat the Cavaliers without a gun anyways.
Winner: Tennessee Volunteers
Midwest Region-
5.) Auburn Tigers vs. 6.) Iowa State Cyclones
Ironically, Tigers are as cliche of a mascot as wildcats are, but I don’t have the same disdain for them. To be fair though, Tigers are real animals. Unfortunately, their luck runs out here when they go against a cyclone that at this point has morphed into a sharknado somehow.
Winner: Iowa State Cyclones
West Region-
4.) Florida State Seminoles vs. 14.) Northern Kentucky Norse
Another tough battle between fierce warriors, but the edge goes to the group with a navy and who I think also still has the Hulk on their side.
Winner: Northern Kentucky Norse
Final Four:
2.) Michigan State Spartans vs. 14.) Northern Kentucky Norse
This battle would probably make for a horribly CGI’d Hollywood film. Vikings and Spartans in a duel for all of Europe. They're two of the most fierce warrior cultures. One has the Norse gods, the other has the Greek gods. But this battle is so close I’m going to have to bring another factor into it. The Final Four is being hosted in Minneapolis, Minnesota in the stadium where the Vikings play football. It’s a no brainer.
Winner: Northern Kentucky Norse
2.) Tennessee Volunteers vs. 6.) Iowa State Cyclones
The legend of Davy Crockett continues into the Final Four. He was such a good shot (with a gun, not from 3), taking care of a cardinal would be easy. The cyclone, not so much. But the fun thing about Davy Crockett legends is that as legends, the truth can be stretched a tad. In this story, Davy stares down the cyclone with such a deadly stare that it turns around and runs all the way back to Ames, setting up an all-time showdown in the final game.
Winner: Tennessee Volunteers
Championship Game:
14.) Northern Kentucky Norse vs. 2.) Tennessee Volunteers
Everything has lead to this. These mascots have withstood grizzlies, raiders, storms, devils, and even William Wallace. Both are worthy adversaries. I honestly don’t know how to determine this one. On one side the volunteers have guns. And Davy Crockett. On the other side, the Norse are incredibly skilled warriors and they have the Hulk. But it’s going to come down to this:
1.) I hate Tennessee as a school. They are the fake UT and wear a girly orange
2.) This battle is being fought up north. Advantage Vikings.
Here’s the big one.
3.) Tennessee may be the Volunteers, but their mascot is Smokey the dog. And y’all already know what happens to dogs in this tournament.
Winner of all the glory that comes from winning the mascot bracket challenge: Northern Kentucky Norse
